“The most desired gift of love is not diamonds, or roses, or chocolate. It’s focused attention.” - Anonymous

From “The Human Condition: A User’s Manual,” by Arnold Kunst

2 February

How to Handle a Woman: One Right way.

Suppose they’re talking about you at work behind your back and you’re really angry, and that night when you sit down to dinner at 6:00 PM you ask your wife how her day went. And your wife says, “They’re talking about me at work behind my back and I’m really angry.” And your very first thought is, “hey, that’s what I wanted to unload onto you about!” And instead you exercise a little self-discipline and say, simply, “tell me about it.” And she does, in a big way. Like, she’s still at it at 8:00 PM. For those two hours she’s done 90% of the talking – you’re the poster child for empathy; all you’ve done is ask clarifying questions or make summarizing statements. Somewhere along the line you learned - probably by watching her - the one-mouth-two-ears thing, and they need to be used in those proportions. In short, you don’t judge, you don’t fix anything. She’s not looking for a string of answers but a shoulder to lean on. The last thing she needs is for you to say, “Why did you do that?! Or, “This is what you need to say to him tomorrow.” Or, “That was really stupid.”  It’d be far more respectful for you to say, “What do you think would happen if you had said _____ to her instead?” and then listen big time. Or “So you said this and she said that and you said this other; do I have that right?” Or, “That was the very best thing you could have said/done!” Or, “I’m really proud that  you _____!”  Assuming you handle those two hours right, assuming you’ve learnt how to listen-listen-listen, it’s possible you will have provided her with a service no man has ever given her in her life. Not her father, or her brother, or her teacher[s], or her priest, or her boy friend[s]. You listen effectively to her from 6 to 8 on the night you want to unload on her and you could end up with a friend for life. When all the dust is settled, that friend-for-life thing could be far more important than your eventually answering her question later: “By the way, how was your day?”